hey jude

I never dwell or wallow or be self-sympathetic or self-victimising or self-anything. i thought it was always best to keep going and find ways to be excited. but, i've never made a mistake that i haven't retrospectively evaluated and questioned and dissected. i guess that defines the mental limbo that i am in. in all my theories and all my self-explanations, i still can't come up with a fitting cause-effect chain to this. and somehow I've temporarily managed to live and laugh and forcibly move forward. its as if I've given up on figuring out life and it's lessons. its discomforting and isolating. my days are happy but not content. they're never dull, but they past too fast. those that are taxing, are still never rewarding. im always impassioned but hardly inspired. always infatuated but never in-love. 

how can i have your heart when all i do is break my own.